Ike, the not so little
by TCBN
Summary: Ike, now ten years old, goes on an adventure with his friends to save the festival he never once believed in. Together, they discover that they can have awesome adventures like Kyle and his friends. This time, they have their own, all to themselves. NO GAY PAIRINGS
1. Chapter 1

Ike stared out the living room window for a while, unsure what had possessed him to allow himself to be kicked out of a window by his older brother so often. Maybe it was because he was a football sized tot once. Running a finger along a line of stitches on his eyebrow, he sighed, looking out the windowpane that had been replaced so many times due to this. Ike was relieved Kyle couldn't do that anymore, Ike was far to big, in fact he was ten years old, much too large to hurtle himself through a window, let alone _play _with Kyle.

"Ike!" Kyle's voice screamed, "Dude, I'm waiting for you"

"Sorry!" Ike bounded down the front porch steps and to Kyle who waited at the pavement.

"Okay, let's go" Kyle and Ike walked to the bus stop, where pretty much no one waited for him. At least Stan joined him in conversation sometimes. Kenny was always deep in some crude novel and Cartman was always cracking jokes so cruel, if Satan heard them, he would've cried.

"Why does Ike have to come with us to the bus stop!?" Cartman groaned, not looking in Ike's direction.

"Because, he's my brother and goes to the exact same bus stop" Kyle snapped

"But South Park Elementary" Ike said to his feet, nose red from the cold

"Soon, you'll come to middle school, don't worry" Kyle reassured

"By the time I get to middle school, you'll be in high school" Ike sighed

"Same building" Kyle corrected, "here's your bus, bye, Ike!"

The Elementary bus arrived to the bus stop, doors opening wide, allowing Ike to climb on the bus.

"Bye" Ike muttered

"Dumb Canadian" was all Ike heard as the doors closed, he turned around and flipped off Cartman as the bus turned away from the curb and roared to school.

"Another day" Ike sat down next to his friend, awaiting another day of hell to unfold


	2. Chapter 2

Three kids and Ike sat at the school cafeteria, in conversation. One boy had pitch-black hair and light brown hair at the roots. One was a girl with bright blonde hair and the last one was a boy who never smiled.

"Kindergoth" Sally laughed, "Seriously, the nickname mash up isn't relevant anymore"

"I don't know why people call me that" Kindergoth deadpanned

"God, you are just as boring as my aunt" Filmore seethed, ignoring Ike's eye roll

"Ever since my two friends left for Middle School…" Kindergoth looked down at his lunch, looking miserable

"If you're so goddamn miserable why don't you leave this table!" Filmore snapped, irritated

"It's the only place I actually FIT in!" Kindergoth snapped, on the verge of tears

Ike and Sally cocked eyebrows at one another. Filmore and Kindergoth were literally a carbon copy of Cartman and Kyle when arguing, except, the arguments were more about Goth culture clashes and fitting in socially rather than rude name-calling and stereotypical assumptions.

"Look, why don't you two just calm down" Sally piped up, "Who cares?"

"I care!" Filmore interrupted, "This kid is covering himself in black makeup in an obvious attempt to reside with the culture of Goths! Look, dwarf, I am sorry you don't have your two friends to follow around, why don't you wipe that purple crap from your face and act like a damn normal person!"

"Don't call me a dwarf!" Kindergoth shouted, shoving Filmore over, "you're insulting me!"

"You have _feelings_!?" Filmore gasped in mock astonishment, "why, how great! Maybe you could crack a smile?"

Kindergoth started to weep, covering his face in embarrassment.

"Leave him alone, Filmore" Ike said calmly, "He can't help it"

"I hope everything turns out alright" Sally reassured, ignoring Filmore's withering glare.

"by the end of this year, if you don't smile" Filmore cocked an eyrbow, "I'll personally kick your ass!"

Now, how the fuck did I even become these people's friend? Ike muttered to himself


	3. Chapter 3

"Mkay" Mr Mackey droned, looking at the boy before him. Mr Mackey's hair was long gone and his eyebrows were grey, a sure sign of age.

"I know that seeing your friends leave you behind is a very stressful occurrence, Mkay" Mr Mackey went on, "But that's the way of life, Mka-"

"I can't _function_ with out them!" Kindergoth spat, "Don't you see!? My life has been a living HELL!"

"Yes you _can_ function" Mr Makey looked at the leather jacketed boy in green pants, "I see you've tried to get involved with a friend circle? With Ike as your assigned mentor?"

Kindergoth sighed, looking at his feet that wore white-laced cons. He thought that the shoes were all right but after a while he figured wearing white would break every single Goth rule there is in existence.

"Hm?" Mr Mackey was still awaiting his answer

"Well" Kindergoth shrugged, "I've tried"

"Good" Mr Mackey started writing something on a notepad, "Have you considered allowing yourself to evolve? Maybe you're passed the stage of being Emo"

"I am not Emo!" Kindergoth screamed, "Why is it so DAMN hard for you to recognize an arm slicing maniac from someone who wears black clothes and listens to sad music! And smoke!"

Mr Mackey paused, looking up at the boy, questioning eyes laughing.

"I see that you've stopped smoking a few months ago" Mr Mackey said

Kindergoth looked surprised and caught off gaurd, "I- I have? I- I didn't realize"

"When was the last time you cried?" Mr Mackey asked, only to widen his eyes and watch Kindergoth blink once, twice and break down bawling.

"Now, I hope Ike has been treating you well" Mr Mackey said, "Even tough he is the smartest boy in the grade"

"I have no idea" Kindergoth sniffed, a strained half smile appeared "If that was sexist or just a term"

"-Every kid in your grade" Mr Mackey corrected himself, "Now isn't the time to be a smart ass, Mkay!?"

"I-" Kindergoth hiccupped, ignoring the waterfalls that flowed from his eyes, "Miss my friends"

"I think it would be better for your wellbeing if you try and hang out with Ike and his friends" Mr Mackey said.

::

Kindergoth wandered down the school halls and bumped into Sally who was taking folders out of her locker.

"Hi" Sally smiled warmly at Kindergoth, "How are you"

"Dark, cold and evil?" Kindergoth cocked an eyebrow, "I have no idea. I need a coffee"

"I thought you didn't like coffee anymore" Sally looked unsure

"I did, once" Kindergoth shrugged, "After Tweek had a heart attack after too much coffee a few years back"

"Oh" Sally smiled, "I hope you're okay. I mean, the holidays are coming up"


	4. Chapter 4

The group sat in the park. It was Saturday afternoon and the frigid conditions didn't deter them inside.

"Cake?" Ike held out a plate of babka pieces to Kindergoth, who only wrinkled his nose in absolute disgust

"That looks like something that came out of someone's other end!" he shrieked

Ike took offence to this, "My mom made this!"

"Like smoking, wine and coffee" Kindergoth explained, "Babka is a dish someone gets accustomed to"

"Even Goths?" Fillmore gawped, "Don't like babka? I told you, Ike! That stuff's hardly a word in the Microsoft word auto correct it's hardly ever eaten"

"Actually" Ike snapped, "It's because I am pronouncing it in English, thus you must pronounce it in Hebrew for it to make sense"

"I don't know if that's true in order to call you out for it or not" Filmore shrugged

Ike started to eat the pieces himself, giving up on the possibility of sharing it with his friends.

A car, driving at top speed was skidding along the road, The driver was clearly wrestling to keep the car straight.

"Oh my god, what the hell?" Sally piped up from her quiet world

"Well, that's something you don't see every day" Ike muttered through a mouthful of babka

The car skidded off road, into the compacted snow, rolling over. As it came closer, they saw that it wasn't car but a very elaborate snow sled, with, what Sally would assume, are tortured, helpless animals dragging half dead behind it.

"That" Filmore cocked an eyebrow, "is a sad sight"

"Who the hell chains wild animals to a go-cart and flings them off the road?" Sally looked angry, even angrier than Wendy when she was insulted

"Wait" Kindergoth strained to see through the heavy snow conditions, "okay that's a court case of animal cruelty and other weird stuff"

"Help!" a voice cried, hardly audible, "please!"

"Oh god" Sally stood up, "I don't to be involved with this"

They got up and turned to flee, not wanting to be eye witnesses to what would be a very complicated case of confusing eye witness reports. None of them could tell what was going on.

"Wait!" the voice pleaded from the warped metal and braying animals, "I beg of you!"

The children bolted for whomever's house was the closest.


	5. Chapter 5

Kindergoth panted heavily, clutching his chest as he knelt beside the side of their house, Sally, Filmore and Ike collided with the side of the house, puffing from running.

"I've never seen a Goth so terrified" Filmore deadpanned, heaving

"Shut- shut up" Kindergoth rasped, "Leave me alone"

"Leave him alone, Filmore" Sally snapped, regaining her breathing rhythm

"Why did Mr Mackey partner me with you?" Ike sighed, leaning against the wall, "I am not exactly a model student"

"You're smart" Kindergoth pointed out, "He thinks if I tag along with you, I'll get a healthy sense of _wellbeing_"

"I'm sure that's not true" Ike reassured, "He just wants you to not feel alone, cold, dark and miserable"

"Ike means that Mr Mackey doesn't want you to be a Goth" Filmore snapped, "who is cold, dark, alone and miserable!"

Sally took Kindergoth's freezing cold hand in her own in a quiet attempt to reassure him.

"The only thing that separates a Goth from an Emo" Ike explained, irritated, "Is that both groups like dark clothes, music and worship the devil. Emos hate themselves and hurt themselves as well"

"It's pretty cold and lonely to feel like the only-" Kindergoth froze. Eyes wide in astonishment, he sucked in the cold air and stood, head bowed down.

"Excuse me" he walked away, down the pavement, to his house, leaving the trio to stare in confusion.

"Filmore, you're a dick. You know that, right?" Ike snapped, glaring at his fiend

"I'm not a dick! I'm stating the obvious!" Filmore defended

"Well, you're pretty rude, cruel and nasty!" Ike retorted, standing up

"Dude, I think you need to figure-"

"Ike-" Sally tapped Ike tentatively on the shoulder

"I know that Kindergoth is struggling to find out who he is all over again, but you're making it MUCH worse for him!" Ike continued, "if I would, I would make sure that you are-"

"IKE!" Sally screamed, turning the boy's heads in her direction in surprise

"Kindergoth's in trouble" Sally held out her phone for them to read the text on her phone.

"Seriously!" Filmore roared, "That idiot lands himself in trouble the MINUTE Ike is out of sight"

"It's not like that-" Ike began, only to have to chase Filmore and Sally down the pavement, to the house.

/

The children reached the back of the house, quietly sneaked through to Kindergoth's bedroom, where he stood, ducked underneath a window.

"Ron" Sally whispered so quietly no other boy heard

Kindergoth had shed his leathers to the side of the room, his boots abandoned in a corner and he wore blue jeans and a bright jumper that every single Goth in the universe would burn if they laid eyes on it.

"They're here!" Kindergoth shrieked, head turning in their direction, he was also wearing a large beanie, covering his hair.

"Who?" Ike walked towards him unsure what to say about his new appearance

"The guy that crashed his sled" Kindergoth mumbled

"Dude" Filmore rolled his eyes, "We-"

An angry knock came from downstairs, startling everyone. They gingerly went down stairs and Ike opened the door, only to do a double take when he saw who was standing on the front porch.

"I know it's a little early" a fat man said with a smile, "But I am in a bit of a pickle"

"W- we saw you crash-" Filmore stuttered "Y-your sled- w- who?"

"You killed wild animals!" Sally snapped, only to gasp so loudly, she blushed, "Santa Clause!?"


	6. Chapter 6

"You see" the man walked around the heavily scratched and mangled sled lying in the snow, "the magic used to run this is a little corrupt"

Sally stared at a deer that had a large, angry chunk out of it's neck, hoof poking in the other direction. Tears started to stream, she couldn't bare to look at the wreck.

"So, I am assuming, like any other movie, you want our help?" Filmore cocked an eyebrow sarcastically

"Yes" the Santa replied shortly

"Aw, fuck" Filmore looked at his feet, "I'm going to miss Vampire Diaries, aren't I?"

Ike snorted at Filmore's reply, Sally giggled and Kindergoth guffawed.

"Oh, the Goth laughs!" Filmore threw up his hands in mock delight, "Wonderful!"

"I have a bad feeling about this" Ike muttered, watching Santa click his fingers, bringing the animals into two straight lines of six, standing in front of the mangled sled.

"Really, isn't that animal cruel-" Sally began, trailing off. No one was listening to her.

"All aboard!" the man chortled, "we have a mission ahead of us"

The kids reluctantly got onto the sled, Ike, pressed down the voice in his head cockily told him that he couldn't possibly be doing this let alone taking listening to him.

The sled lurched itself into the air, causing Sally to become air sick and barf over the side, chunks spraying onto the deer themselves.

"I need your help to fix this problem I have" Santa explained ignoring the rattling sled, struggling to keep it straight

"What is it, Sir?" Ike asked, not entirely sure what possessed him to call him "Sir"

"It's the elves, kids"


	7. Chapter 7

The group walked into a large shed that looked like a hangar. A massive group of pissed off looking midgets stared back at them.

"We don't want to submit to slave labor!" a tiny elf shrieked

"This?" Filmore stared, "Is your problem?"

"It's worse than that" the old man shrugged

"This is unpaid slavery! You are submitting US to endless work hours!" another elf screamed

"You do realize that-" Sally tried, only to be rudely cut off

"That what!?" a red haired elf shouted angrily

"That uhh…" Sally trailed off, "You're supposed to. You're supposed to listen to what he tells you and abide by the rules, making young children happy by giving them-"

"SLAVE LABOR!" one elf with a very high voice tinkled, "We've had it! We won't have any of it!"

"Look" Ike cut in, "I think what we're trying to tell you is that the whole concept of this festival is that you are supposed to spread meaningful messages to young children, spreading meaningful ideas about family, friendship and being kind to one another, Has any of that not even occurred to any of you!?"

"We don't care" a high voice deadpanned

"Well you bloody well should" Ike snapped, "Stom Ta'pe!"

"Stom Ta'pe…?" someone asked, "is tha…."

Someone sniffed the air, as if they smelled a very disgusting smell of dog shit. Ike's blood felt like it separated more than once.

"I sense someone very impure" a voice cruelly mentioned

"Oops" Filmore squeaked, placing himself behind Sally who covered her face.

"What did he say?" Sally asked Filmore

"Shut your fucking mouth" Filmore answered back, face straight

"Filmore!" Sally snapped, angry

Filmore sighed impatiently "It means _shut your mouth _and I assume by the aggressive tone in Ike, he meant to add in _fuck_"

"Get THAT _impurity_!" They all charged, all the elves in the room snatched something from around the room and charged the children.

"Oh. Fuck!" Ike swore loudly, turning to run

"you want to play rough?" Filmore sneered, "Come at me, assholes!" With that, Filmore threw a massive candy cane at one of them like a spear and watched as it barreled into one of the elve's head, pinning them to the ground. The mob roared towards them and the children bolted.


	8. Chapter 8

Ike climbed a ladder in top speed while everyone else tried to fend off the animalistic predators that called themselves elves.

"You are pretty much minions of Cartman!" Ike snapped, "really! You're all carbon copies of anti-sematic lazy Cartmans!" He scrambled onwards, cornered at the steeple of the tower. Ike cowered at the kedge, watching in horror, seeing the millions of angry little dwarfs chase up the ladder, knifes in teeth and fireballs in hands. He looked up and saw a flying fox above him.

"That's real convenient!" Ike jeered, placing two hands on the handlebars, looking down.

"You're all insane!" Ike screamed, "I don't get it!"

:

Sally and Kindergoth ran outside to the sled, slipping and stumbling on the snow as they ran. They suddenly became cornered off by another angry mob of pissed elves. One of them plucked a pistol from their side pocket and aimed it at the two.

"Ron- No-" Sally started, saying his real name aloud and clear

Ron stood in front of Sally and stood, glaring back at the elf with the pistol.

"When I was a lot younger, I discovered that the world was a very confusing place. I hated conforming to ideas, concepts and being the white sheep rather than the black sheep"

"What the hell are you on about?" the elf snapped

"I have learnt that I don't have to TRY and conform I just have to make myself happy" Ron went on

"Why isn't he shooting?" Sally squeaked, unsure why she asked

"Uh" the elf pointed upwards, "It's against the law to shoot someone directly beneath a mistle-"

The elf froze mid sentence, watching a Canadian child whiz through on a line, feet up. Ike landed his feet on the elf's chest, slamming him down and snatching the pistol out of his hands with gusto, turning around to look at a duo passionately kissing one another in a very silent crowd of elves staring with astonishment.

"Right. Make love not war, got it" Ike said sarcastically pocketing the gun.

:

Filmore ducked behind the shed itself and ran through a complicated series of halls, following a white arrow on the floor. He just wanted to escape, he didn't care where he was going. Filmore then ran into a room where Santa lying dead on the ground, a large blood pool dark and old.

"Oh" Filmore screwed up his face, "All my childhood has just been destroyed"

Filmore slowly approached the corpse, staring, Jaw wide open in utter shock.

"This isn't right" Filmore stared, jumping backwards when a large poo jumped from behind the corpse.

"Howdy ho!" the poo screamed with delight

"What the hell is t-" Filmore jumped backwards

"I am the one and only Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo!" Mr Hankey smiled

Filmore blinked.

"Well, isn't it swell to meet a child on Christmas!?" The poo jeered

Filmore glanced at Santa's corpse and back at the poo, "I… think the definition of Christmas is a little warped at the moment, poo"

"Don't be bizarre!" the poo smiled, only to leap off the corpse in horror, "Oh hell!"

"Ah, one question" Filmore rose a finger, "Is it true that people shit themselves when they die?"

"Yes!" Mr Hankey grinned, "I just exited Santa's-" Mr Hanket got cut off by Filmore's disgusted shudder

"Now, what shall I do for you!?" Mr Hankey asked

"I just want to go home. I can't handle this" Filmore motioned the corpse, everything around him, "everything's a mess! Christmas has, early as it is, been ruined"

"Well! I can fix that! You see, everyone poos" Mr Hankey danced about, "I can reset the definition of Christmas by making the elves poo control what the elves do or say!"

After a moment's pause, Filmore looked at his feet, breathing through his nose.

"Can you do one thing for me, please?" Mr Filmore glanced at Mr Hankey squarely in the eye, "For me?"

"Yes, little boy, I sure can!" Mr Hankey's voice echoed

… … … …


	9. Chapter 9

Mr Mackey blinked at his student.

"You have a girlf-" Mr Mackey spluttered

"Yeah" Ron said, "Frankly it's preytty rude of you to think Goths as these stereotypical definitions of yours"

"Do you believe that Ike and his posse are helping you at all?" Mr Mackey asked, ignoring him

"No, Mr Mackey" Ron stood from teh chair, "I.."

"What?" Mr Mackey looked, "Mkay?"

"I.." Ron looked at his feet, "I'm perfectly fine figuring out who i am on my own, Mr Mackey"

With that, Ron walked out the door, leaving Mr Mackey to pick up his notepad and scrawl in it. LOSS OF IDENTITY NO LONGER PROBLEM. He scratched his balding head for a while.

"I suck at my job" Mr Mackey sighed, sitting back, "Mkay"

Ike arrived at school early as usual. Waling up the steps, he saw his two friends conversing with each other, Kindergoth sported an outfit that was considered gothic by some and not so gothic by others. Sally laughed at something he had just said, watching him crack a smile. Ike wasn't sure when or where the name _Kindergoth_ dropped off and when his real name came to existence.

"Hi" Ike greeted the duo, walking past them, to his locker.

"Hey" they greeted

"What did Mr Mackey say?" Sally asked Ron

"Well, I pretty much told him to go and screw himself I can become who ever I want to be and I shouldn't try and become what I am not" Ron shrugged

"Who're you now?" Sally cocked an eyebrow

"I still don't entirely know or really care" he shrugged

In class, in the middle of a question and answer sheet, a bald Mr Garrison sat at the front, reading his book, while the students filled in answers to a quiz. Filmore glanced out the window and saw, for a split second, a brief shadow of a sled and row of deer run across the snow. Grinning, he turned his attention back to the quiz and carried on.

THE END


	10. Chapter 10

THIS STORY WAS RELEASED BEFORE KINDERGOTH'S NAME WAS REVEALED AS "FURKEL" IN THE EPISODE DAWN OF THE POSERS!


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